My Stoopid Hair

This is a story about my stoopid hair.

Yes, I said "stoopid." That's so you can hear me say it as "stoooop-pid."

Somedays I just can't stand it my hair.  Dark thoughts of running clippers through my hair has entered my head too many times to count.

Once upon a time I was born with NO HAIR:

I stayed bald for a very long long time.

Then I had wispy thin fine blonde hair barely past my ears for a long long time. This is me at three years old. My daughter already had hair down to her bottom with at least 4 trims since she was born. I probably had no trimmed hair for a few years:

If my mom got lucky, she squeezed in a few of those tiny plastic purple curlers. I hated them so much because I had to sleep on them at night:

Then one day my hair darkened up and got a little bit thicker. I had my first perm in the 5th grade. It got permed every single year until my senior year. The picture below is from my big hair days in the 7th grade. The curly hair is from the perm, and my bangs were super straight. I used a hot curling iron on my bangs and tons of Aqua Net to get them standing as high as I could:

Then at age 17 I decided I wanted no more bangs and no more perms. I used hot rollers on my hair nearly every day to make soft waves. If I didn't, my hair was super straight on top, and slightly wavy underneath.

This is me at 19:

I kept using hot rollers on my hair if I wanted any kind of body or waves to my hair. I had soft wavy SMOOTH shiny hair, running my fingers through it kind of hair. This is me at 20:

Then got married.

Then I had kids. Beautiful hair days are OVER.

Then I had my CRAZY MOM DAYS hair. I got sick of my long blonde hair getting covered in spit up, throw up, and all manner of nasty ups you can think of. And I had no time to make my hair beautiful. So I chopped off my hair. And my husband mourned its death for months:

Thankfully I did grow it out, much to my husband's relief.

Then after my 4th pregnancy my hair got thicker, darker, and started getting curly out of the blue. I had no idea how I was going to control my crazy hair. Most days in the early 2000 years I kept it simple with a bit of cream gel and a shorter bob:

It's now 2011. I swear someone stole my hair and I am wearing a permanent wig. I have to keep it super short.  I don't know where all this increased super duper stoopid curls are coming from. It's driving ME INSANE! Every night I wash my hair with SLS free and organic products. I needed something to control the frizz and curls: I got the frizz down for the most part.

But I have to wet down my hair by sticking it briefly in the shower EVERY.SINGLE.MORNING.

If I don't wet my hair in the morning, it stays up and high like a curly lion's mane sticking every which way. Don't even think of coming near me with a brush. No woman wants to walk around with a dark blonde afro.

Then I have to use about 2 TBS of castor oil hair cream every day to keep my curls together, relaxed somewhat to my head and defined. Or else I have crazy big hair sticking up in all directions.

So here it is, such stoopid STOOPID hair before wetting it:

So very stoopid and I hate it most days:

It's a major rat nest sometimes:

I can pull off the swanky preppy 80's male model look, but no woman wants to look like that:

Big Hair Days are SO over, it's never coming back. Except for me unfortunately:

I think I am related to Cousin It. I think he stole my soft long blonde locks and gave me his crazy curly hair:

Hair. It's like dead skin, right? I should just get rid of it.

Or get a wig.

Or steal yours.

Hmm..I should like a certain shiny redhead's hair that I see at church from time to time. I am stealing hers.