Tweedledo

Well, am I?

I assure you that I in fact, am deaf.


I decided to do a little education and FYI post.


Some of you are too shy or afraid to ask me.


Some of you had no idea.


First of all: I was born deaf. At least I think I was.  I still remember being three and getting my hearing aids for the first time, and the ride home in my Dad's noisy light blue VW Bug scared the cripes out of me.


I didn't have any communication and language in place for a long time. I do remember that somehow I was able to read a persons lips when I was about 4 years old. But it wasn't perfect. It needed time. It took 13 years until I was able to read a person's lips well enough that they didn't know I was deaf. I learned to speak. That was tricky too. I spoke with an obvious deaf accent and wierd tones for years. Took me awhile to hone the speaking skills.


Lip reading is a tricky thing though. Just because I can read your lips when you are standing 12 inches or so away from you doesn't mean I can read your lips in a group full of people. Lip reading in a group of people is like paying attention to the game of hiding a penny under a cup and watching a bunch of cups swish around, then find the penny again. By then, I have completely lost track of what the conversation is all about.


Lip reading: I can't do that with everyone. If you have an accent and move your mouth different because you are from another country, forget it. Have a bushy mustache, ah man, I would hope and pray that my male teachers in school and college didn't have a mustache. If you are missing teeth, or have misshapen teeth, it gets hard too. The more I lipread a person, the easier it gets. That's why I like to keep the same people around me in my environment, such as the same VT person.


At church or some other classroom setting. You know those Charlie Brown cartoons, where the teacher is talking, and all you hear is a mwah mwah mwah? That is what it is like for me in a classoom or group setting. Unless I have an interpreter, its hard for me to follow. It's nice when someone gives me notes, but its not the same when I can't follow the feedback that others are giving around the classroom, or that I can't cry and laugh with the rest of them. I pretty much just put on a pleasant smile and wait for class to be over. I don't really get too much out of a classroom setting without an interpreter.


How much can I hear?


Well that's a long story. My mom said I seemed to hear more when I was real little. First of all, I HAVE to wear a hearing aid to hear any sounds at all. I can hear talking voices. I can hear music. I can hear the airplanes overhead. I SOMETIMES can hear the sirens, but only if I am outside the car if I am driving, or the windows are down. Now fast forward to 2007 when I got a digital hearing aid. Oh boy, that was great. I could hear my kids talking in the next room. I could hear the doorbell. I could finally hear my husbands cellphone ringtone. But it is still a matter of distance. I certainly do not hear a cellphone in the next room or a large room. BUT I do NOT get the words people were saying in the next room. I still need to lipread. Let me CLARIFY that all I am hearing are tones. My hearing aid does not make me a hearing person. You sound robot-like and tinny when I hear you talking. Hearing aids are not like glasses. I can't put them on, and be all like, ta-da, 100 percent hearing again like everyone else.


In a large hall full of talking people, I can hear all the noises at once. But I can't differentiate it. I still use my eyes to separate the noise. If you walk right up and start talking to me behind my back, you are in fact just part of one large noise to me. You still have to get my attention by tapping me on the shoulder.


Is louder noise for me better??


Hmm, that is a big fat no. This is why the COMTEK thingie I would wear on my ears, and this other thingie would hang on my neck that I would wear in the 6th grade was completely useless. It made the teacher's voice louder, but I didn't lipread or understand any better. Speaking louder in my ears: useless. Back off unless you want me to slug you. I would turn up the radio a little bit more, and the TV a little bit more, but not too much.


Why don't speech sounds I hear become intelligible?


Answer: I have nerve deafness. The sound we hear travels along our ears through cilia, tiny hairs inside our ears. Cilia is on the nerves. The nerves travel the sound to the brain, and the brain computes the sounds into speech forms that people can hear and comprehend. The sounds I hear reach my cilia in my ears, and pretty much stop there. So therefore I use my eyes to fill in the rest of the gaps, until it reaches my brain, then I comprehend. (lip reading, ASL, interpreting, subtitles, captions etc)


There are tons of different deafness types.


Every deaf person has their own unique experience on learning to survive in a hearing world. There is no one else like me. I don't belong to any "classified/labeled" group. There is an entire novel on this.


What was it like growing up deaf?


It was tough. I hated school and socializing alot. I did not like leaving my house into the real world.  I learned alot about the real and savage world at a young age. I'm not going to lie, I did suffer some pretty bad abuses in every way imaginable most days. That's all I have to say about that.


How to Get my Attention: 

1. Tap my elbow or shoulder. 
2. Slow down. Enunciate. 
3. Don't overly enunciate to me so slowly like I am some retard. 
4. Don't be nervous. It's difficult to "read nervous talk." I promise I will not bite.
5. Speak directly to me
6. It's okay to write something on a piece of paper. 
7. Text me. Even if it is right in front of me because I am not getting a word or two that is important to the whole conversation.

No-no's on talking to me:

1. Don't start talking to my husband in my behalf, especially when I am standing right there! (can you tell your wife.....)
2. Don't assume I understood the first time. It's okay to say, "you got all that?"
3. Don't assume that when I am standing in a group, talking and laughing, that I GOT everything in the conversation.

Attitude, willpower, determination and survivor.


It's everything to why I can do the things I can do:


People told me I will not read. I taught myself to read at 5.


People told me I will suffer and do poorly in school, and never graduated. Granted I DID get Cs and Ds in elementary, but then I graduated with As and Bs in high school, without the priviledge of ASL and interpreters.


People told me I would never go to college.  I went to four years at college. Two at BYU, and two at UVSC. Most of the grades were pretty good. The only bad grades were because I hated the class and skipped it, like Philosophy. I always got As in my English classes. Yep, I can read, and write, and comprehend what I am reading.


People told me I would never be married and be a mom. I've been happily married for 15 years with 4 kids.


People worried that when I had my babies, it was like "oh, those poor poor babies!" Believe me, I woke up every hour checking on my babies all the time at night because I knew I wouldn't hear them cry. I had to triple my mom dedication. I would feel their chests to make sure they were breathing. And my babies learned fast. For example, they learned to bang the crib against the wall when they were ready to get out instead of screaming their lungs out. (I can feel vibrations, and I am more sensitive to it)


People told me I would have a sad and boring life. Hmm, well. I read, paint, sew, photography, do crafts and scrapbooking, teach classes at church, have friends and a social life, and get involved in my community and church. I'm a happily busy mom, wife, friend, and sister.


You tell me I can't do something: Just wait and I will learn to do it better than most.


Not only I am Mrs. Can,  I am also Mrs. Will.


All right now. Any questions?


The only stupid question is the one you didn't ask.